...and no, I'm not referring to the recent changes in U.S. military recruiting thresholds (more on that later).

I am, of course, referring to Warner Bros. studio's recent vague threats against Helmer John Buechler when he mentioned a remake to his movie "Troll".

You remember "Troll", don't you?  It's that honeysuckle 80's blend of fantasy and excrement featuring a boy, his possessed sister, a geriatric sorceress, her pet mushroom and (spoiler alert) a nasty troll with extremely limited facial expressions and no intelligible dialog.  Oh, and Julia Louis-Dreyfus as the hot single babe who is unwittingly drawn into the troll's hellish fantasy realm, where she scampers, semi-nude, as a wood nymph.

The catch? Simple.  The lead character (the boy, not the troll) is named Harry Potter, and the film was developed about ten years before JK Rowling's famous boy wizard hit bookstores. 

Avada kedavra, beeyach!